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Navigating Leadership: The Art of Supporting Managers at All Levels

You're responsible for the quality of your relationship with your manager. A practical take on Feiner's leadership laws, with my own experiences of bad and good bosses.

By Bassam Tantawi7 min read

I had this question in one of my mentorship sessions: "My manager is a d***b… what should I do?"

Reflecting on Leadership and the Power of Support

First of all, I want to be honest: in my whole career, I only had a couple of bad managers, and the rest ranged between okay and great for me to work with. I am not sure of the reason for that — is it good luck, or is it me applying what I read and learned throughout my professional career? Not sure — but I am grateful. That's why I thought it might be important to share what I can remember of what I have read and learned.

In the complex world of business, leadership comes in various forms and capabilities. While the ideal scenario involves working under visionary and competent managers, reality often presents us with a spectrum of leadership qualities: some are great, others are still learning … and some are bumbling old fools, as Michael Feiner says.

I tried to combine my knowledge from some of the books I read during my professional life (some I read 14 years ago) with personal experiences. This article explores why supporting our managers, despite their flaws, can lead to a thriving organizational culture. It can even lead to a promotion ;)

Michael Feiner's Points of Leadership

I will use Michael Feiner's book as an anchor for this article, "The Feiner Points of Leadership: The 50 …" (sorry for the ellipses, the book name is too long :D), then I will mix some things from a couple of other books, along with examples whenever I can.

It's a great book that takes your professional life from different angles, like how to manage your subordinates, your manager(s), your peers, types of leadership, and so on. It is a great book in my opinion, and one that I read early in my life that made a big difference in my leadership for years to come.

Feiner talks in his book, in the "Leading Bosses" section, about 7 points; I will cover some of them here that resonate with my experience.

First Law

He talked about a couple of shocking "points"; the first of them is that you're solely responsible for the quality of your relationship with your manager. Agree or disagree, but without that "point", you might fall into the I-am-the-victim trap. It is definitely not an easy "point" to accept. But as soon as I accepted it, things moved forward with one of my previous managers.

When I was team leader, I was working on a challenging project with tight delivery, an angry client who for historical reasons didn't like our company and refused our delivery — and to add to all of that, my project manager was challenging everything and negotiating everything. At some point, I really didn't like him, and I went into the spiral loop of "I don't want to see him or talk to him". Things didn't go well: the quality of our relationship was going down, the team was not happy, things were going south — and it all happened very fast.

I remember I snapped out of my feelings and took the decision to steer away from our conflicts, otherwise we all were going to crash and burn with the project. I started looking at the problem from his perspective, and I remember exactly that thought: "let's give it a try, maybe he is right" — and to be honest, he was.

Second Law

The second "point" is that you need to know and understand your manager's needs — the same as the mini-interview you do with your new team members (if you don't do this, start doing it); you need a mini-interview with your manager to understand them better: their goals, their life challenges, and so on. At the end of the day, you are in their boat, and if you don't understand those things, you can't row together — hence you can't row to the same destination. The more you understand your superiors and seniors, the better, and the easier your life will be.

As long as that goal isn't against your religion, traditions, or laws — you name it — then it is possible to have the same destination. If it is against it, I recommend that you leave as soon as you can.

Always keep in mind that managers are also navigating their challenges and learning curves. For me, I had the opportunity to learn from each manager when I clearly asked them for mentoring. When I learned more about them and what they care about — what their goals are, and so on — that allowed me to identify which manager is good at what, and so I was able to ask them to mentor me and let me experiment in the areas that they are good at, and that is not risky — from their perspective. This manager taught me how to squeeze the budget; this manager taught me how to evaluate the team; this manager taught me how to calculate the cost in a different way than it is usually done, and so on.

From "Primed to Perform" — Total Motivation (ToMo) principles: Doshi and McGregor's work highlights how positive motivators (play, purpose, potential) can vastly improve performance. By supporting managers, employees can influence a positive shift towards these motivators, enhancing the work environment's overall motivation and productivity.

From "Never Split the Difference" — tactical empathy: I am not talking about manipulating your manager. Chris Voss's concept of tactical empathy is about understanding and empathizing with a manager's position, which can help employees navigate difficult conversations and negotiations, leading to better outcomes for both parties. "Mirror" their concerns to show understanding, and use "labeling" to help them feel heard and validated.

Third Law

Now, since we understand the past two points, comes the one that everyone hates (yes, more than the ones before). Since we are in the same boat, your manager's success is your success. If you don't accept it, that is up to you, but the other options aren't that good.

Either you will make your boss look bad, others will know it, and no one wants to work with you — then you will be stuck with a manager who doesn't like you because of what you did to them. Or you get disengaged, and down the line you will get fired. Definitely, there are exceptions — I haven't seen many, but we are talking about the most common cases.

While it might seem counterintuitive to support someone you consider not entirely competent, constructive feedback is a pillar of development. Use techniques from "Never Split the Difference" to communicate effectively, ensuring your feedback is heard and taken on board.

Highlighting the importance of positive reinforcement from "Primed to Perform": recognizing the efforts and improvements of managers can motivate them towards better performance and leadership practices.

Call to Action: Be the Change

Challenge yourself to support your manager in new and constructive ways. Whether through empathy, strategic communication, or simply offering a listening ear, your actions can transform your work environment for the better.

References

Where Taqdim fits

A bad manager is one reason people change jobs — and changing jobs starts with choosing the right one. Taqdim helps you read job descriptions honestly before you apply, so your next move lands you under leadership you can actually work with. Taqdim is in closed beta. Join the waitlist.

Originally published on Medium on 14 Feb 2024.

  • Motivation

About the author

Bassam Tantawi · Founder, Taqdim

Bassam builds Taqdim, a job-application assistant for candidates in Egypt and the Gulf that checks fit honestly before you apply.

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